


Old Wounds

by Melissy123



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Fluffy Ending, Gen, Kyuhyun needs hugs and his hyungs, Some serious feels after the Ladies Code accident bring back bad memories, group fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 23:29:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7075162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melissy123/pseuds/Melissy123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It still bothers him. He knows it shouldn't, but it does. The news that Ladies Code had gotten into a serious car accident just brought it all back, and all Kyuhyun wanted to do was not think about it. It had been years, he should have been over all of it by now, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Old Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction for an idol group so be easy on me, please. I literally got into k-pop at the start of the year and it has all spiraled since then. You know the worst thing about getting into groups late? Having to process all of their scandals, and tragedies all at once. Seriously, this is traumatic. Anyways, I always have feels so for once I thought I'd actually act on the inspiration. They're probably all a bit out of character but I tried, and also, there's hints of established Teukchul in there because I love them, and they're my OTP. And I reunited TVXQ because that was necessary. Enjoy!

Kyuhyun couldn’t sleep. Every time he tried he could hear the screech of tyres skidding, feel himself being thrown from the van, pain, darkness. The nightmares weren’t anything new, but they were few and far between nowadays, at least, they had been. Kyuhyun ran a tired hand through his hair, and glanced around at the other members. He knew that they noticed, they’d been especially fussy lately but he wasn’t surprised. The news of the Ladies Code car crash had been a shock to them all, an unwanted reminder of the past. Kyuhyun didn’t miss Eunhyuk staring at him a little longer than usual, or Ryeowook cooking all of his favourites, he saw every little thing that his members did and if anything, it made him feel worse.

Back then, he’d relished the attention, _needed_ it even. But now… he just wanted to forget that anything happened at all, pretend that EunB’s death hadn’t affected him as much as it had, pretend it didn’t bring all the suffocating feelings of the past back to the surface. He was fine, everything was fine. What happened to EunB was tragic and completely avoidable, but the other three members of Ladies Code still had RiSe, she was still fighting. She was in a coma now but when she woke up, she’d bring a little glimmer of hope with her. They would be okay, Kyuhyun was sure of it. They would be okay, just like he and Super Junior were.

 

* * *

 

 

_“She’ll wake up, right?” asked Kyuhyun, quietly._

_Leeteuk looked over at him. “Of course she will, you did.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Except, she didn’t. Everything just seemed to blur together as his manager relayed the information, ‘…couldn’t do anything… passed away this morning…’ was all he heard before his mind switched off.  Again, he could hear the tyres screeching, glass smashing, metal twisting, pain, so much pain. It took every ounce of control he had not to let his emotions show on his face and even then, he wasn’t sure how successful he was. He didn’t even realise he’d been taken back to the dorm until he was faced with a door. Kyuhyun just- he just- he couldn’t process anything. It was all so surreal, so strange. RiSe wasn’t supposed to die, she was supposed to wake up. A little voice inside his head reminded him that he’d almost died, that he could have not woken up too. He’d accepted that though, spoken about it even but this- this was like reliving it. With a heaviness in his body that hadn’t been there before, Kyuhyun pushed the door to the dorms open and stepped inside.

If he’d been more aware he would have noticed every eye in the room turn to him, he would have noticed Ryeowook forcibly choke back a sob, and Donghae discreetly wipe away the dampness on his face but at that moment, all Kyuhyun knew was Eunhyuk pulling him into a bone-crushing hug, and crying on his shoulder. He tensed, he couldn’t help it. Is this the reception he would have received if he hadn’t of been so fragile back then? The kind of hug that pours every single emotion into it. All of the relief, love, guilt. The same poisonous thoughts that popped into his head back then, reappeared now. The type of self-doubting thoughts that Kyuhyun had done so well to push into the deepest recesses of his mind and ignore. The thoughts that made him question his hyungs love for him, the genuineness of it. He knew it was ridiculous, they were long past the days of his debut but he’d never quite been able to shake such feelings completely. Especially not now when everything was so raw, so overwhelming. It was too much, the room was too heavy, too suffocating.

“I need some air,” he choked out, pushing Eunhyuk away and rushing out the door. He was vaguely aware of someone calling out his name but Kyuhyun didn’t stop to find out who it was. He just couldn’t be there right now, it was too much, it was all too much.

 

* * *

 

_“Shouldn’t someone go after him?” questioned Ryeowook, his voice ringing with concern._

_Kangin shook his head, “He’s just struggling right now and all of us crowding him isn’t helping, give him space to breathe.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Heechul grumbled, a scowl plastered across his face as he moved through his apartment to answer the door. He had just been about to run a bath. It had been a stressful day, he deserved a bath, but of course he had to be interrupted. Well, he hoped whoever was intent on bothering him wasn’t expecting a warm welcome because they weren’t going to get one. He swung open the door and immediately, his anger melted away into something else. Kyuhyun stood there, looking strangely small in the dark hallway, his face an unhealthy shade of white, his eyes unfocused, he barely even looked like he knew where he was. Heechul didn’t have to be a genius to know what had made his maknae this way. He knew he hadn’t been sleeping, they all did but none of them really knew what to do about it. Not until they knew whether RiSe would pull through or not. Heechul sighed, this really wasn’t what he’d had planned for the evening.

“Kyuhyun-ah,” he said, softly.

The maknae blinked, his eyes focusing a bit. “Ah, hyung.” His voice was quiet, and Heechul was suddenly reminded of the day he woke from his coma. “Can I stay here with you tonight?”

As if he would ever say no. Heechul shrugged, trying to keep his concern from bleeding through, Kyuhyun wouldn’t want that right now, “Sure.”

The youngest member of their group shuffled inside and curled up on the couch without a word. If the messages from the rest of his dongsaengs were anything to go by, they must have gone and overwhelmed Kyuhyun. They all should have known by now, Kyuhyun didn’t want to see their sadness, their pain, it reminded him of a past he preferred to forget. If he wanted to talk he would, they couldn’t push him. Shaking his head, he fired off a quick message telling them Kyuhyun was with him. The last thing they needed right now was for the members to freak out and think Kyuhyun was missing or something.

“Kyuhyunnie, do you want food? I can order something,” called Heechul. The maknae shook his head and Heechul could already feel himself getting weary. He hated seeing Kyuhyun like this, it wasn’t right. He’d done so well for so long that Heechul had almost forgotten what it felt like to see their youngest so unlike himself, so exhausted with the world, so hurt and lost. “How about a movie, then? I was just about to put something on anyway,” he said, setting up his television. Heechul plastered a grin on his face as he looked back at Kyuhyun. “Disney?”

Kyuhyun shrugged, “Whatever you feel like, hyung.”

Normally, he would have argued at that. He should have been complaining or whinging but no, Kyuhyun was silent. Heechul started the movie and sat down next to the maknae. Immediately, Kyuhyun shifted, resting his head on his lap. Heechul couldn’t deny that if anything, that made him more worried. Kyuhyun must have been in a right state, it took a lot for him to be this clingy, especially with him. Heechul knew that Kyuhyun had somewhat of a system and when he was really bad, when it all felt like too much, he would go to him. Sometimes he would go to Leeteuk if he felt like being mothered but usually, it was Heechul he went too.

He ran a soothing hand through Kyuhyun’s hair. Honestly, it was a source of pride for Heechul that Kyuhyun trusted him that much, relied on him that much. They hadn’t always been that close but then again, Kyuhyun hadn’t originally been close with any of them. It had all been a matter of time and while Heechul preferred not to dwell on it, he was forever grateful that they hadn’t lost Kyuhyun that day. Where would they be without their evil maknae? Not nearly as successful he would bet. But also, not nearly as close. Something would have been missing, something wouldn’t have felt right. Putting up with his bratiness was infinitely worth having Kyuhyun with them, singing with them, dancing with them, living with them. His heart hurt thinking about what the remaining members of Ladies Code would have to go through. The pain, the guilt, all of the choices about their future. What happened to them wasn’t fair, shouldn’t have happened at all but as usual, it all came down to the managers, to the companies for making the schedules so ridiculous, for forcing them to speed from one event to another, for risking their lives. His anger flared, but Heechul knew there wasn’t much he could do about it, not in their business, and not without creating a scandal. It was too hard, too much trouble.

Heechul didn’t know how long he sat there stroking Kyuhyun’s hair, not until the door opened at about midnight and Leeteuk stepped in. Their eyes met, before they fell to the sleeping maknae in his lap and the leader smiled, sadly.

“I thought he’d be here,” whispered Teukie, moving over to them. “How long has he been out?”

“Not long, hasn’t eaten either,” said Heechul, his voice low. He rolled his eyes, “We sound so domesticated.”

Leeteuk chuckled, quietly. “Well, it is our job to look after them.” He gently shook Kyuhyun awake, and coaxed the half-asleep maknae to his feet, guiding him to the only bedroom in the apartment. His bedroom, and his bed, but Heechul didn’t make a move to stop them. It’s not like he would have said no anyway, not with Kyuhyun as he was.

Leeteuk tucked him in and made sure he was comfortable, before Kyuhyun grabbed his hand. “Hyung…” he whispered, “Don’t-“ He cut himself off, his brow furrowing.

“Hush, Kyuhyun-ah, I’m coming back, I just need to shower first,” said Leeteuk, softly. “Chullie’s here, don’t worry.”

Kyuhyun looked around for him and Heechul could feel his heart clench. The kid looked so small there and the blankness he’d shown earlier was slowly being replaced with another emotion, fear. A fear of asking too much, of not being accepted, of being cast out of a group that had barely wanted him in the first place. Old fears, the ones that had come alongside his recovery, alongside being stuck in a hospital room for three months with little else to do but get lost in his own thoughts. Leeteuk winced, ever so slightly as Heechul pushed aside his own guilt. Stupid dongsaeng, he should have known better than that by now.

“What do you think, Kyuhyunnie? You think you get to sleep here while I sleep on the couch,” said Heechul, adding a scoff for good measure as he slid under the covers next to him. “I don’t think so. Go to sleep, brat.”

 

* * *

 

 

_“I feel like we’ve been thrown back to the beginning again,” whispered Heechul._

_“I know, me too,” said Leeteuk, as Kyuhyun slept wedged between them. “But our maknae is strong, he’ll be okay.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Yunho eyed Kyuhyun with more than a little bit of concern. He just sat there, his muscles tense, his face hard as he glared at the wall, he didn’t say anything, he just sat there. Jaejoong had tried to coax him to talk but that had gone about as well as expected. He, Yoochun and Junsu hadn’t been back with them for very long, they were still settling and a pissed off Cho Kyuhyun was the last thing they were equipped to deal with, even Changmin was at a loss of what to do. They were close, but Yunho wondered if he’d ever seen Kyuhyun like this, warring with his emotions, forcing himself to keep up a mask and keep everyone else out of it. He’d have thought that his hyungs would be able to deal with the situation but given that Kyuhyun had stalked into their dressing room and slammed the door in Eunhyuk’s face behind him, Yunho wasn’t so sure.

He wanted to hide out for a while he had said, before falling into a silence that was yet to be broken. Every now and again some small sliver of emotion would cross his face, would flash in his eyes, but it was usually too fast for Yunho to identify it. He might not have known the full extent of the problem but the leader of TVXQ was positive, he knew when it had started. The car crash. That horrible car crash that two weeks ago had stolen two beautiful souls from them. They’d all sent the remaining members of Ladies Code their prayers, their love, their support but it was every single member of Super Junior that had attended the funerals. This, Yunho knew, was something that resonated with them. He’d seen it on their faces, Leeteuk especially who looked as if the whole world was bearing down upon him, even when he smiled and waved at the cameras. Yes, Yunho knew they had taken the accident hard but he hadn’t realised quite how much. Now that he thought about it, he’d seen very little of Kyuhyun at all in the past few weeks, perhaps that was why he hadn’t realised.

Yunho glanced around the room, took in his own members. Junsu and Yoochun were whispering quietly in the corner of the room, Changmin sat next to Kyuhyun, the closest any of them could get, and Jaejoong, he sat on the chair across from them, his eyes darting between his phone and the door, like he was waiting for something. Yunho sincerely hoped he’d called for some kind of reinforcements because he didn’t know how much longer he could survive this heavy atmosphere. It felt like Kyuhyun had brought with him a dark, heavy cloud of emotions that was pushing down on all of them, crushing them, smothering them.

Yunho could have sworn that a lifetime had passed before he heard a loud, familiar voice complaining nearby.

“Are they dumb? Have they learned nothing in the last seven years?” Kyuhyun’s eyes flickered towards the sound, just as the door slammed open and a furious Heechul stomped into the dressing room. Junsu and Yoochun both jumped, as Jaejoong let out a tiny breath of relief.

Leeteuk sighed, following in behind Heechul. His eyes briefly found Yunho’s, a look of apology there that was entirely unnecessary, before fixing solely on his maknae. “They’re just worried too, Chullie-ah,” he said, softly.

“Yeah well, maybe they should focus more on not being dumb, than being worried,” snapped Heechul. “We could be avoiding this.”

Kyuhyun folded his arms over his chest and looked away from them. “How’d you know I was here?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“I told them,” said Jaejoong, coolly. He didn’t seem bothered as Kyuhyun shot him a dark look. “I’m sorry Kyuhyun-ah, but we were worried.”

Kyuhyun scoffed, but any fight he’d had in him, disappeared as Heechul placed his hands on his legs and kneeled in front of him. Suddenly, he looked small and fragile. His jaw tightened, but his wide eyes gave him away. Yunho felt like he was witnessing something only meant for family, not for the eyes of outsiders to see. Even Heechul, whom he’d known a long time, was different. He was softer, calmer, as Kyuhyun reluctantly met his gaze.

“You okay, Kyuhyunnie?” questioned Heechul.

Kyuhyun’s eyes darted around and he swallowed, thickly. “Maybe we should leave.” If there was a slight tremor in his voice, no one said anything. “This lot are probably sick of me by now, anyway.”

“Don’t be stupid,” said Changmin, quickly. “You’re always here. I think the hyungs were just glad we didn’t get into the video games this time.”

Kyuhyun hummed non-committedly, as he tiredly pushed himself to his feet, Heechul following him. “God, we’d never have been able to drag you away then,” he said, his hand moving to squeeze the maknae’s shoulder. Yunho was speechless. He knew he should have said something by now but really, what could he say? It was obvious Kyuhyun was struggling but did he really want comfort from any one of them? He doubted it. He only seemed to react when around his eldest hyungs, and they knew it too, they’d both come straight here after Jaejoong had messaged them. So really, what was there for Yunho to say? He watched as Leeteuk and Heechul exchanged looks, saw the silent conversation pass between them, a glimmer of exhaustion, and then Heechul began to guide Kyuhyun from the room, all traces of tiredness and anger gone from his face. “Yah, let’s go brat, I’m starving.”

Leeteuk watched them leave before turning back and bowing deeply. “Thank you for keeping an eye on our Kyuhyunnie,” he said, straightening up. “He’s… a little sensitive at the moment, all of the members are and they all tend to deal with it differently.”

Finally, Yunho found his voice. “Ah hyung, you don’t need to thank us, really.”

“No,” said Leeteuk, firmly. “I do. A lot of others would have pushed him to talk and upset him further, you looked after him well.” He chuckled then, a hint of bitterness in his voice. “Better than us.” Better than him, is what he’d really wanted to say. Yunho heard it, Jaejoong heard it, they all heard it.

“Hyung…”

Leeteuk waved him off, “It’s okay, you don’t need to worry. Kyuhyun will be back to his usual self before you know it,” he said, his leader mask firmly back in place. “Again, thank you for looking after him.”

“Teukie-hyung,” started Jaejoong, carefully. “You know if you ever need anything…” He trailed off awkwardly, and Leeteuk offered him a small smile, a genuine one.

“I’ll call.”

The five of them watched the older man leave and almost immediately, Junsu looked at him. “Hyung… do you think there’s anything we can do… to help, maybe?”

Yunho sighed and shook his head. “No, I think this is something they have to work out themselves.”

“But they’ll be okay, right? I mean, they’re Super Junior.”

“Of course they will,” said Changmin, rolling his eyes. “Like you said, they’re Super Junior.”

 

* * *

 

 

_“I didn’t mean to upset him,” said Eunhyuk, his eyes red. “I just- I wanted to make sure he knew we would always be there for him, no matter what.”_

_Leeteuk sighed, “I know Hyukkie, and so does he, he just needs a little more time.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“Where are we going?” asked Kyuhyun, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. Leeteuk glanced at the maknae in the rear-view mirror, a small frown on his face. He really hadn’t been eating enough though at least he was getting some sleep, staying with Heechul. It had been three weeks since the car crash, and while he was better, it was obvious to all who knew him that he was still being plagued with unwanted thoughts. It had to be dealt with. Leeteuk could not allow Kyuhyun to pretend his insecurities were all in the past. They weren’t, and it was about time they all faced them. Maybe Kyuhyun would always feel a little insecure, as much as he wanted too Leeteuk couldn’t go back and change the past, but he could make sure that even if such thoughts crept into his mind, their undeniable love and support of him as their brother, could chase them away again. Leeteuk would make sure that Kyuhyun knew without a shadow of a doubt, their own feelings on the matter. It didn’t matter that he’d come into the group late, they loved him, they always would.

“Out,” answered Heechul, not looking up from his phone. “And don’t glare at me, you can’t sit holed up in the apartment playing Starcraft.”

“It’s my day off! You make it sound as if I never go outside,” said Kyuhyun, with a grumble.

“It’s just dinner, Kyuhyun-ah,” said Leeteuk, placatingly. “Yesung is on break, he wants to see all of us.”

“All of us?” Leeteuk didn’t need to look to know that their youngest was frowning.

“Yes, all of us,” said Heechul, as if it were obvious. “We are a group, remember?”

“Thanks for that, hyung,” said Kyuhyun, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

So far, the night was going about as well as expected. Leeteuk forced himself not to sigh, this was going to be a difficult evening, but it had to be done, they couldn’t keep avoiding it. Of course, avoiding it certainly seemed like the tempting option as an air of awkwardness settled over their group of eleven. The private room they’d reserved was thick with tension. Leeteuk wished they could have given their Yesunggie a more pleasant atmosphere to enjoy while he was out from the military but at that point, it was impossible, and they needed him to be present for this, it was important. At the very least, he could enjoy the food.

“Do it now,” said Heechul, suddenly and Leeteuk winced. He was trying to ease into this but Heechul never was one to beat around the bush. The fact that they were in some kind of thing that resembled a relationship was proof enough of that.

Leeteuk sighed, “Fine.” He looked around at his members, all of their attention fixed on him, some curious, some wary, some worried and then there was Kyuhyun, his face blank but his eyes shining with a hint of betrayal. Of all people, Leeteuk wasn’t supposed to be pushing this matter, he was supposed to let him deal with this on his own. Leeteuk looked away. He’d been complacent for long enough though, Kyuhyun couldn’t be allowed to run from this for any longer. “I think there are a number of issues amongst us that need to be discussed, that need to be dealt with properly.” There was a long silence, and Leeteuk glanced at their maknae once more. “Kyuhyun-ah?”

Immediately, Kyuhyun shook his head. “No, I’m fine, anyone else-?”

“Let’s not play games Kyuhyun,” said Heechul, his voice deceptively light. “We’re not going anywhere until you talk.”

He gritted his teeth, “I don’t have anything to say.”

“Yes you do but that’s fine, I’ll happily start if you don’t want too.” If anything, the atmosphere around them became thicker, as Heechul took a sip of his soju. “Kyuhyunnie you’re the type to hide how you really feel behind a veil of sharp words and a meticulously constructed mask. I know that type, I am that type, though better looking, and I know if you want to talk, you’ll come to us but I think dongsaeng, that’s where we’ve failed you. We didn’t discuss any old problems back then because you had enough to deal with, we just smothered you in love and everything seemed to be fine. But it wasn’t really, was it?” Kyuhyun didn’t answer, he had taken to staring down at the table. Leeteuk resisted the urge to get up and wrap him in his arms, to try and protect him from things that had already happened, as Heechul continued on. “Of course not, because although you joked about it, although you talked about it and constantly threw it back in our faces, you never actually dealt with your feelings. You think you hide them all? You don’t. If you let them through we see them, we always see them and it’s about time we air all of this out because it’s ridiculous, you’re ridiculous, just hurry up and tell us exactly how you feel so we can tell you that you’re an idiot, and move on from all this… and I can get my apartment back.”

“Please, Kyuhyun,” whispered Ryeowook, and Kyuhyun winced slightly. He still refused to meet any of their gazes, as he fiddled around with a pair of chopsticks.

“It’s nothing, it really doesn’t matter,” he muttered.

“Obviously it does,” said Kangin.

Again, they fell into silence, and Leeteuk could practically see the depression that surrounded them all. Why did this kind of thing always have to happen to Super Junior? Why had their careers been filled with so many scandals and tragedies and pain? Not that he would wish it on anyone else, he just wished things didn’t have to be so hard. They’d suffered enough. “The car crash really was a shock to all of us,” started Siwon, carefully. “I think it’s been a while since, as a group, we’ve been forced to remember the accident in 2007. Talking about it on Strong Heart a few years ago was hard enough but this was different. We were so suddenly reminded of what could have happened, of what had to have been the longest four days of our lives, I mean, we almost lost you, Kyuhyunnie.” His voice wavered. It was still so hard, Leeteuk had a feeling it would always be hard. Eunhyuk, Donghae and Ryeowook already had tears streaming down their faces and it took all of his self-control to not do the same, to not let his emotions out like that. “We were so scared, and when the news dropped about Ladies Code, we were all suddenly thrown back to that time. I think that maybe, we smothered you a bit, overwhelmed you. The only way any of us knew how to respond was to cling to you how we wanted too when you were lying pale and still in that hospital bed.”

“Back then, when you were still recovering, you loved being doted on, I know you did,” said Shindong, “You loved when we paid attention to you, and though the attention part hasn’t changed much, you’ve grown out of the rest. None of us really thought to think why you loved it so much, or at least, maybe we didn’t want too.”

Kyuhyun stiffened and Leeteuk could sense the members getting ready to deal with this, the one thing they never spoke about. “D-does it really still bother you, Kyuhyun-ah?” questioned Donghae, shakily. “H-how we felt about you back then? We didn’t hate you! I swear we didn’t!”

“It was just a shock,” said Sungmin, quietly. “We didn’t know how to react.”

“It had been six months,” said Heechul. “And suddenly the company was throwing this new kid at us? Let’s be realistic, your reception was never going to be warm.”

Kyuhyun sighed, “I know that.”

“But we didn’t hate you!” said Eunhyuk, quickly. “A-and we got used to the idea eventually, you even got a bed-“

“I know that, really I do.” He looked up, his eyes finding Leeteuk’s, pleadingly. “Can’t we just leave this?”

His heart clenched, painfully. Leeteuk wished it could be that easy but there was more to it than that, he knew there was. He shook his head, “I’m sorry, Kyuhyunnie, but this has to be done, it’s been long enough. Maybe you knew that we didn’t hate you, but I don’t think you realise how much we loved you before the accident either. Am I right?” The maknae held his gaze, and this was exactly why they had to talk about this. The past was too blurred, too much of a grey area and it stuck with Kyuhyun, it bothered him. “Kyuhyun?”

“No, I knew-“

“Liar,” interrupted Heechul.

Kyuhyun scowled, “Fine,” he said, with a snap. “Fine, yes, I have thought about what might have happened had I not been in the accident, had I not nearly died.” Eunhyuk winced, no doubt seeing the same thing that Leeteuk did. Blood, too much blood though some of it might have been his own, and Kyuhyun, lying there amongst it all, barely conscious, his breaths small and rattling. “I mean, I was in the hospital for over three months and you would all constantly visit, you would all message or call every single day to make sure everything was alright, you would all stretch your schedules just so you could see me and I would always wonder, do they just feel bad? I did almost die, they must be feeling guilty, why else would they be doing this? I suppose we were considered friends but were we close? No. Did I have the relationships that you had with each other? Not particularly. I thought, maybe they’re just being nice before I get kicked out of the group for good-“

“What!?” said Ryeowook, surprised, but Kyuhyun ignored him. He’d started now, he wasn’t going to stop.

“It’s not like anyone had wanted me there in the first place. I even mentally prepared myself for someone to give me the news, something about the recovery being too long, how it wasn’t working-“

“Kyuhyun…” whispered Yesung.

“But the message never came. I figured I might as well make the most of everyone fussing, it was nice and I didn’t know how long it would last. You never stopped though, I thought you would, but you didn’t and suddenly, I felt like I was one of you, I felt like finally I belonged…”

“But…” prompted Kangin.

Kyuhyun looked around, his gaze flicking to each of the members as if trying to gauge their reactions. “But what if I hadn’t been in the accident, would you still have accepted me? If I hadn’t been in the car crash would you still have cared as much? Or was all of this, just because you felt guilty, because you felt you had to make it up to me somehow?”

No one quite knew what to say, too lost in their own feelings, their own regrets and their own guilt at having let Kyuhyun think these things for so long. Seven years. It had been seven years since the accident and not once, had they ever addressed this. They knew, they had that feeling but they figured that if Kyuhyun didn’t want to talk about it, there was no need to bring it up. They were wrong, they should never have let it get this bad. They should have done something about it long ago.

“You’re an idiot,” said Heechul, breaking the silence.

“Of course we would have loved you the same,” said Leeteuk, his voice thick with emotion. “Maybe it would have taken us a little longer to give you the love you deserved, and maybe we would have spoiled you a little less-“

“Which probably would have been good for you, you brat.”

“-But the result still would have been the same. We still would have become the family we are now, we would still fuss over you when you’re sick, we would still worry about you when you push yourself to hard. The accident didn’t make us love you, we loved you before that we were just too used to taking you for granted. We didn’t know how to treat you or how you wanted to be treated but we did love you. How do you think we felt when you forced yourself not to cry after we took our first win because you felt like you didn’t deserve it? We tried to show you more love after that but I guess we didn’t do a very good job. And then the crash happened and we realised that nothing else mattered but making sure you knew how much we cared about you, how important you were, you are, to us.” Leeteuk gave in, moving around the table to wrap their maknae in a tight hug. “We love you Kyu, back then and now.”

“Even if you do give us grief sometimes,” added Kangin.

“I’m sorry we let you think otherwise for so long.”

“And as for anyone kicking you out of the group,” said Heechul, a threatening glint in his eyes. “That would never have happened.”

“That, I can believe,” said Kyuhyun, briefly amused before his face became serious again. “It’s not that I always think about the past like that. The logical part of me knew, that it wasn’t just the accident but there was just that lingering doubt…”

“There’s nothing to doubt,” said Eunhyuk, as Donghae nodded profusely next to him. “Crash or no crash, we love you.”

“I think now is the perfect time for a group hug,” suggested Shindong.

Kyuhyun groaned as Leeteuk pulled him to his feet, but didn’t complain as everyone moved around them, wrapping each other in one big hug. Yes, this was what they needed. The events of what happened that night in 2007 would still be difficult to talk about, would still haunt them but at least Kyuhyun didn’t have to have those doubts anymore, didn’t have to feel that burden.

“Does this mean I get my apartment back now?” asked Heechul. There was a mixture of groans and chuckles, as the moment was broken and everyone moved back to their seats. Leeteuk eyed the other man fondly, as he looked around, questioningly. “Seriously, I’m not joking.”

This was more like it. Normal. Everything was back to normal, at least, for the most part. Leeteuk had no doubts that Kyuhyun would be fussed over for a little while longer but this time, he expected the maknae would enjoy it again. Yes, normal. Leeteuk liked normal.

 

* * *

 

 

_“We are, Super Juni-OR!”_

 

 


End file.
